Gadling

It's a new year and time for new SkyMall Monday goodness! Are you an avid gambler who can quit anytime but who chooses not to and sees nothing wrong with gambling 22 hours a day? Do enjoy gambling even when pursuing other leisure activities? Do you like standing still in large bodies of water? Well, my friends, then the Floating Blackjack Game is the product for you!

Sure, you could certainly jump into a pool and play volleyball, float on a raft or, I don't know, swim. But would you be making money? No (unless, of course, you're betting on who will win said volleyball game and/or butterfly relay). What better way to kill a gorgeous afternoon than to stand in one place in the pool and play a card game? And I'm sure the kids will have no problem following your instructions not to swim near the table or splash daddy and his lady friends.

As always, no one can sell a product better than the folks at SkyMall, so let's take a look at the product description:

Guaranteed to provide hours of enjoyment in your swimming pool or Jacuzzi, the kit includes everything you need for a rousing game of blackjack...

What better place to rest a card table than a pool with jets that create constant and aggressive water movement? And there will certainly be no negative effects on your body from spending a couple of hours in a heated Jacuzzi playing blackjack. Heck, why not drop in a few bouillon cubes while you're at it?

Not convinced that blackjack can be played in the pool? Well, I dug deeper (because I'm a journalist) and explored the official website of this fine product.

There I learned that these are the "world's first patented playing cards that are able to be played and shuffled in water without the cards sticking together or destroyed by water." Sure, it's reassuring to learn that the cards won't be destroyed by playing with them near the water. But it's mind-blowing to learn that you can SHUFFLE them "in water." Not just near water. Not only adjacent to water. Not simply juxtaposed to water. IN WATER! Look, if you can shuffle cards underwater, then I'll let you play any game you want in the pool. Just keep your freakish hands away from me!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

2008 was a big year for SkyMall Monday in that, you know, I created SkyMall Monday in 2008. We laughed, we cried, we grew as people. But mostly we just laughed. With the new year just days away and with everyone and their mother posting year-end top 10 lists, this week seemed perfect for a look back at the Top 10 SkyMall Mondays of 2008. So, grab your credit card, throw logic out the window and come along on a magical ride through some highlights from our favorite mile-high catalog.

10. TimeMug - Certainly many of you have made a new year's resolution to get yourselves organized. Well, what better way to get your life in order than to have a clock on your coffee mug? You may have left your watch at home and forgotten your phone in the car, but your latte will know exactly how late you are for your meeting.

9. Slumber Sleeve - Easily the second-best pillow of the two pillows SkyMall Monday reviewed this year! The Slumber Sleeve allows contortionists and husbands who have been forced to sleep on the couch to maintain bloodflow to their extremities. It's a niche market, but the Slumber Sleeve really filled it up good and tight.

Good tidings to you, my SkyMall Maniacs (congratulations, I've given you a nickname). We're doing something a little different here at SkyMall Monday this week. With Hanukkah in full effect and Christmas mere days away, I'm going to do you a solid and give you some last minute gift ideas straight from the greatest catalog on Earth. Forget the hassles of the mall or the big box stores. Sit back, relax, and let SkyMall do all the work for you (with my help, of course).

iWear Vr920 (photo above) - Why just be a nerdy gamer when you could be a nerdy gamer playing in "virtual reality?" Just don your favorite blazer, log into World of Warcraft and have your friends call you "Geordi La Forge."

Animated Hitch Critters - Because you're white trash and gosh darn proud of it.

Body Toning System - We just don't subject ourselves to "electro muscle stimulation" nearly enough. Besides, what does all the research supporting a lifestyle of healthy eating and exercise really mean anyways? Certainly standing around while electrocuting your abs is the real secret to getting that six pack.

Are you embarrassed by your child's age-appropriate baldness? Has his or her wispy, toddler hair become a point of contention in your house? Do you purposely leave your child home alone rather than risk people publicly mocking him for his inability to have a full, luxurious head of hair before he can even walk? Well, finally, there is a product that will not only give your child that ultra-cool hairstyle that he deserves, but also keep the glare of the sun out of his tender eyes. This week, SkyMall Monday spotlights the Flair Hair Visor.

As a man with no hair, I can appreciate one's desire to enhance himself follicly. Sure, I look stunning bald, but not everyone can make such handsomely honest claims. Hair growth creams and surgical solutions can cost hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. Wigs and toupées rarely fool anyone and pose a unique set of challenges in blustery conditions. But with the Flair Hair Visor, your child can finally escape the stigma of being in the stage of development that precedes full hair growth.

As always, I don't ask you to take just my word for it. Just check out this carefully selected excerpt from the product description (that happens to be the only sentence in the product description that isn't littered with typos):

Instantly give yourself a head-turning new 'do and amuse friends-- and strangers!

If people are pointing and laughing at you, then yes, I suppose they are amused. And just imagine how amused they will be when they see that there are Flair Hair Visors for adults, too! You and your child can have matching fake visor hair and avoid the damaging effects that the sun can have on your retinas. And if you protect your retinas, you'll be able to gaze into the mirror and see how magnificent you look with your fake hair that has taken the attention off of your child's fake hair. See, you solved that problem of being embarrassed by your kid already!

Bring an air of confidence back to your family with the Flair Hair Visor. Surely people will stop mocking you and your child now. I think. Maybe.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Suppose you want to go on vacation but you also want to be able to pay your bills. What do you do? Well, you could mortgage your financial future by paying for your trip with stocks that you own. I'm not suggesting cashing out your stocks, making yourself liquid and then purchasing the trip. I mean actually paying for your vacation with stocks. Nonsense? Well, according to a New York Times article, one tropical resort chain will allow you to do just that.

Elite Island Resorts, a chain of luxury hotels with locations throughout the Caribbean, will accept payments in stock for vacations booked by January 31, 2008. And the really interesting part? They'll value the stock at its July 1, 2008 closing price. Since that's before the market went further south than Elite Island Resorts' locations, you do stand to gain in the short-term if you elect to take them up on their offer.

Now, before you go ahead and call your broker, keep in mind that these are luxury resorts, so you'll need to trade in more than one share of your worthless Citigroup stock. And they cap the amount of stock value that you can use at $5,000. They selected close to 100 applicable stocks for the promotion and feature some major names whose stock prices should, hopefully, bounce back in the future. That said, when they do increase again, would you rather have those in your portfolio or some vacation photos on your mantle?

So how much is a sanity break worth to you? Your kid's college fund? Your ability to afford renewing your magazine subscriptions? Because you may want to consider hanging onto those stocks and being the one that reaps the benefits of an economic upswing rather than letting some luxury hotel chain increase their net worth.

As for me, I prefer to stay liquid. All of my money is tied up in whiskey.

I thought writing product reviews couldn't get any better than Skymall Monday. But then a product comes along that is so patently amazing that it takes my breath away. I stare at my computer screen, mouth agape, and wonder how I ever lived before experiencing such wonderment. I can only imagine that this is how one would feel upon encountering a unicorn in a meadow filled with daisies and trees that fruit lollipops. Ladies and gentleman, I am pleased to introduce you to The Babykeeper Basic.

Traveling with kids is hard. Or at least that's what people tell me. I'm single and childless (as far as I know), so I just throw some underpants and toothpaste into a bag and off I go to my next exotic destination. But I imagine that when you travel with kids, you can get a tad flustered. You have your luggage, the kids' luggage, diaper bags, purses, stuffed animals and other nonsense to carry. That's a lot to handle. And, at some point, you're going to have to use the bathroom.

Well, you can't just ask some stranger, or worse, your spouse, to hold your child while you urinate (or defecate, your choice). That's where The Babykeeper Basic comes in. Simply select the lavatory of your choosing, place the hooks over the stall divider and overcome the stage fright that you will inevitably encounter as your child stares at you judgmentally while you try to relax and let the river flow. Nope, nothing to see here. Just a baby hanging precariously from the wall of a bathroom stall while you empty your bladder and/or bowels.

Look, I'm not saying that you should just put your kid on the bathroom floor while you do your business. That's foolish. Your child could then easily abscond with your luggage while your pants are at your ankles. What I am saying is that hanging your child from the bathroom stall in some medieval harness might not win you Parent of the Year at your church's next family fun day.

For our readers in Japan, I have great news. You can save $25 and just use the amazing public restrooms in your forward-thinking country. They have the baby seat built right in.

[Via Buzzfeed]

While much attention is paid to the border between the United States and Mexico, our neighbors to the north have yet to encounter the scrutiny that they deserve. No prison-like fences or vigilante minutemen have stood in the way of people sneaking back and forth between the United States and Canada. Well, the U.S. government has decided that these shenanigans have gone on for long enough. According to Wired and the New York Times, the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency will use an unmanned drone aircraft to patrol a stretch of the border between the two North American allies.

The Predator B aircraft will operate out of Grand Forks (ND) Air Force Base and will be the first of its kind on the northern border. Three similar drones currently patrol the border with Mexico. Residents of North Dakota and "a slim part of Minnesota" can now sleep easy knowing that a remote-controlled airplane is buzzing overhead and keeping maple syrup, hockey and the word "eh" where they belong.

Surely a great deal of research went into the decision to have the $10 million unmanned aircraft patrol just a 300 mile stretch of the 5,525 mile long border with our ally, right? Well, John Stanton, executive director of the Customs and Border Protection service's national air security operations was asked if he expected the drone to uncover a rash of drug smuggling, illegal immigration or terrorism. His response: "We hope to actually use this aircraft to measure that. You don't know what you don't know." Neat!

But at least these drones are foolproof. Well, about that. The drone was supposed to arrive in North Dakota last Thursday. Because of maintenance issues, it arrived on Saturday. And a similar drone on the southern border crashed in 2006 outside of Nogales, Arizona. No one was killed, but it did narrowly miss hitting a house. The cause of the accident was found to be human error.

Well, it may sound like a boondoggle, but I am certainly relieved that someone will be keeping an eye on those hosers. We're still recovering from the Celine Dion invasion of the 1990s. There's just no telling what they could sneak in next. Pray that it isn't curling.

Everyone has their own idea of what makes the perfect photograph. For some, it's a city skyline at the magic hour. For others, it's a field of flowers stretching towards the horizon. And for one German expat living in Shanghai, it's candid shots of Chinese citizens sleeping in public.

Sleeping Chinese is the brainchild of a German who simply goes by "Bernd." While in China, he has snapped photos of Chinese people sleeping on benches, rocks, shopping carts and under trucks. The site has gained such popularity and the gallery has grown so large (700+ photos), that Bernd has invited visitors to the site to submit their own photos of "sleeping Chinese."

I, for one, am all for silly photo projects like this. When you travel, how many shots of building exteriors and famous statues do you need? You can find those types of photos in books, magazines, websites and postcards. The best pictures capture quirky moments in time that no other person could replicate. Those moments are unique to you. And if your moment happens to include a sleeping Chinese citizen, then here's to you!

Before you go thinking that sleeping in public is only popular in China, rest assured that you can find it just about anywhere. I happened upon these tuckered out Japanese folks at a Mos burger in Tokyo earlier this year.

Neck pain is no laughing matter. Unless the pain was caused by a slip on a banana peel. That's hysterical. Otherwise, neck pain is a serious issue that needs to be combated aggressively. You've probably treated your neck pain with pills, creams, ointments, salves, massages and wine. Well, you're a moron. By now you should know that the solutions to all of life's problems can only be found in SkyMall. So, this week SkyMall Monday is here to dominate neck pain with the NECKpro Traction Device.

For years, you could only find traction devices in hospitals and they had to be operated by trained medical technicians with degrees and "expertise." The masses were denied the ability to ratchet their spines in directions that defy normal human physiology. But no longer. The NECKpro Traction Device allows you to comfortably* sit in your own home and pull your head clear off of your torso. Thoughts of your neck pain will disappear as you instead focus on the chafing on your chin.

Need more convincing that the NECKpro Traction Device is the premiere cervical traction device on the market? Well, let's check out the product description:

The NECKpro over-door cervical traction device, eliminates the bag of water or weights and the trial and error method of traction therapy offered by conventional home over-door cervical traction systems.

Did you know that other cervical traction devices rely on bags of water to apply the tension? Did you even know that there were other cervical traction devices? Me neither! But why use bags of water when you can just hang the NECKpro Traction Device over your door and pull on a string while your kids cheer you on?

You'll be thrilled to learn that the NECKpro Traction Device comes fully assembled and "is the perfect travel companion." Sure, it's nice to have your significant other or favorite vibrator with you on a trip. But when it comes to companionship, those pale in comparison to the NECKpro Traction Device. I mean, can a vibrator relieve the pain associated with fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis or cervical radiculopathy? I think I've made my point.

Show your neck pain who's boss with the NECKpro Traction Device. It's about time you took back your dignity.

* You will not be comfortable.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

There are travelers and there are tourists. Travelers explore new places, immerse themselves in diverse cultures and respect their experiences. Tourists gawk, point, mock and generally embarrass themselves while poorly representing their native cities and countries. Tourists ruin things for travelers. And that's exactly what has happened at one of my favorite places in the world, Tokyo's Tsukiji fish market.

Tourists have officially been banned from the early morning tuna auctions at Tsukiji. The ban begins on December 15 and will be reviewed in mid-January to determine if it should be extended.

Fish traders have complained that the 200-300 visitors that crowd around the tuna auction everyday distract workers and pose safety risks. Back in April of this year, access to the auctions was limited in response to complaints that the flash photography was obscuring the hand gestures of traders and that the tourists' poking and prodding of the fish created hygiene concerns. Now local media are blaming misbehaving tourists for the creation of the stricter ban. Fish market officials, eager to not offend foreign guests who are still welcome to tour the outer areas of the market, were quick to announce that the ban applies to Japanese tourists, as well.

If you're heading to Japan, I still highly recommend a trip to Tsukiji. It's a fascinating place, as you would expect from the world's largest fish market. Be respectful of those around you, as that is their place of business and it's an industrial area with heavy equipment and lots of people scurrying about. You are a guest in their workplace and you should behave accordingly. I hate to lecture, but, well, the hijinx of a few idiots can really ruin things for the rest of us.

As you go out into this great big world of ours, think before you act. And don't touch other people's fish.